I would recommend using more transition words in your paragraphs so that all of your writing flows smoothly from point to point.
Also, please ensure that you use paragraphs for all of your pages.
Reply
Joe Joltz
12/14/2011 02:07:59 pm
Crust:
- Remember Mr. Hong said to remove Bill Nye Videos.
- Add some transitions to make it flow better.
- Add more info since you kind of lack of it.
- I like how it has a very clean look to it.
Mantle:
- If your going to use that video add a time frame or else get a new one. I recommend braingenie if your going to add a new one.
- Not all the information sounds like it's in your own words.
- I like your picture because it's very specific to where exactly the mantle is.
Outer Core:
- The video should be more specific and the word in the video are too small. (I do like the song though, I have it at the bottom of my homepage :P)
- Try to add some transitions.
Inner Core:
- Find a video.
- Why is the writing in bold text?
- I'm confused whether this is point form or paragraph form.
- I like how you put that the sun has a similar temperature to the inner core. (I put that as well. :P)
Reply
Oreo
12/14/2011 02:15:30 pm
Crust
- you could use more info
- great job over all
Mantle
- put some info in own words
- love the picture
Inner core
- you can find a vid.
- I like how you put a sun as your picture
Outer core
-
Reply
Oreo
12/14/2011 02:16:05 pm
Outer core
- you can add more info
Reply
Cleopatra
12/15/2011 01:33:00 am
Crust:
I like how you titled the section "The First Layer- the Crust". The information you provided is very good but you could add more to it. I noticed you didn't add the temperature or what the crust is made of, you could add that. Great job overall :)
Mantle:
You titled the crust "the first layer- the crust" so it would look better if you titled the mantle "The Second Layer- the Mantle". Your information was great and very detailed but remember to put it into your own words. Again the temperature. You did a great job! :)
Outer core:
Your video is good and gives detail about the outer core but the writing is very small and hard to read. Also if you are going to use a video that isn't specific to the outer core put the time form where the part starts and ends (example 1:30-2:10 outer core). Again the info needs to be in your own words. Great info :)
Inner core:
Good information but it needs to be in your own words.
